I've worked with alcoholics in the past.As you're probably aware moderation is out of the question,impossible...an alcoholic has got to stop drinking completely to survive.

Yes . I have lived with as wife of one , had to divorce after 20 years, he was very, very nice to outsiders who didnt know his nasty side , became a bully and wife batterer in drink. He is now deceased ,

I too had a relationship with an alcoholic partner which lasted for aronud 10 years before her drinking eventually split us up. Looking back now I did not handle the situation as I should have done and perservered with it far too long hoping that it would get better.

Now it's easy for me to be objective but when you are emotionally attached to someone it is difficult to, almost impossible, to be objective. As has been said if they want to give up drinking and really try you can help and support them. If they not want to stop then sadly you either have to cut them loose or cope as best you can.

I have a new partner now who happens to be tee-total and a non-smoker though I do sometimes see my former partner when out and about. She does not look at all well and I try to avoid eye contact. I have not spoken to or contacted her since we went our separate ways but for a long time afterwards I did have feelings for her.

Snowqueen has said how her partner was nice to outsiders but nasty to her. I can empathise with that because when my partner was sober she was really nice and everybody liked her. But after couple of drinks she was nasty and aggressive. She controlled her drinking during the week because of her job but at the weekend she was often drunk from Friday till Sunday and holidays were a nightmare. It is so sad now to see a frail woman who looks about 20 years older than she is all down to drink and tobacco. I have the impression that the majority of alcoholics also smoke quite heavily, certainly at the few open AA meetings I went to with her they nearly all chain smoked.

I think it is less about drink going with cigs than an addictive personalilty. Some people just don`t have a moderation button. On the plus side where would we be without the artists writers musicians and scientists many of whom were bedevilled with this. Some stars burn brightly but briefly.

My father, twice widowed, was a heavy drinker. When he retired he drank ever more heavilly, and he died at the age of 65, when I was 26. I lived a long way away, and it was difficult to know what to do. But I don't think I could have coped even if I'd lived next door.

I've also come across alcoholics at work and as someone has said, they're manipulative and people are liable to cover up for them. They nearly all left - either by choice, murual consent or dismissed.But in some cases they reformed, ie dried out, but they were never very effective.